28 years ago, I came into being. I never would have thought that I’d experience half of what I have so far. Times have been tough, fun, trying, enjoyable, but over all a blessing.
The most important lesson that I have learned to date would be to trust the God in me. We literally are walking vessels housing the spirit of God. Understanding that, we have also been given power to create, bless, inspire, to love.
We are more powerful than we realize, and we fail to tap into that truth because of how our situations look, the pain that we experience, the heartbreak that has had us down for so long.
For me, I know I have allowed doubt, pain, holding onto the past, and insecurities create this lifeless life over the past 2 years, until recently. I fell into a deeper understanding of who He is, who I am. It made everything clear for me. This was what I realized:
- Stop Doubting Yourself!
If you’re doubting yourself you are doubting God, since it is His spirit in you. Your greatest goal may seem ridiculous and too great of a task to accomplish, but I am certain if you have it, it was given to you, and you should commit yourself to seeing it through. Do whatever it takes. You are your greatest investment. What you have to offer will touch many lives, but you have to believe in yourself before it does.
- Stop Seeking Permission From Err’body & They Momma!
Your purpose is not err’body else’s purpose OR business! You can get so confused asking so many people what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and who to do it with. This is your life, your purpose, your mission. Trusting God is equivalent to trusting yourself, so do just that. If you have concern seek His counsel, and allow Him to send the RIGHT person to speak life into you. I truly believe some people mean you well, but even their advice can contradict the plan God has for your life. The more you trust God in you (yourself), the more confident you become, and confidence is indeed attractive.
- Celebrate YOU!
You are indeed amazing, beautiful, handsome, fearfully & wonderfully made. You are loved. You are worthy. You are powerful. You are great. You are talented. You are insightful, intelligent, and loving. You can be crazy, silly, weird, extroverted/introverted, impatient, and at times anxious. You are so many things but ALL of who you are is a great gift to mankind. There is and will never be anyone like YOU! Crafted by the Originator Himself, you are unique, not carbon copied. Believe this about yourself because it is true.
- Let Go & Heal!
You cannot enjoy the blessings in front of you by holding onto the past. I wasn’t sure if I would share this, but I will because I want someone to learn from the choices I made (NOT mistakes) that yielded valuable life lessons. I was living in North Carolina, really finding out who I was. Growing confidently into the woman I am, but I was still looking back at what was and what could have been. I came back to Oklahoma to be with someone who I will always appreciate who lives in Texas, and I came back to be a part of other people’s lives and their purpose, not my own. I received all types of signs to stay where I was, but I did not listen because I was set on what I thought at that time I wanted, not seeing the goodness that God provided me where I was. When I came back home, every single thing I came back for failed epically! I’ve never been so low in my life. I just graduated graduate school, but couldn’t find a job and was living with my parents. I went into a deep depression, and there were times I thought I would not make it. I thought my life had no purpose and that this world would be better without me. I couldn’t hear God like I use to. I was angry and bitter at myself and everyone who hurt me. I never thought I could hate but I did. I never thought I could be petty because of my hurt, but I was. I turned into someone I never want to be again. My closest relationships were tried during this time, but my day ones who are few were right there with me, giving me space but being there for me at the same time.
My faith was tried like never before. It was hard praying to God and not receiving a response. I wanted to quit. But I couldn’t. And I am glad that I didn’t. God placed me in a position to where I had to depend on Him alone, not the assistance/opinions of other people. That was challenging because for some reason during this season, I became heavily dependent on other people and what they thought of me and what they thought I should do. Now I look back and I can’t even remember the turning point of when things began to get better but they did. All I know is that through it all, there was purpose, there were lessons. I learned to forgive, love with no regrets, but most importantly trust God whole heartedly. I’ve lost relationships, but I have also gained relationships. I may not be where I want to be but there is purpose in where I am right now.
So to the rest of my 20s, I look forward to living my life imperfectly and unapologetically. I look forward to following through with my plans, not living in fear of making a ‘mistake’. I look forward to enjoying and appreciating the Queen I am. I look forward to making a difference, connecting with The Most High, and blazing a trail that no one has yet to create. I look forward to meeting the woman I am destined to be. I look forward to me.
Check out this track from Cee Lo, ‘You’re A Good Man Cee Lo Brown’