Where They At Though?! Respect, Honesty, & Conversation

0 Posted by - November 11, 2014 - Feature, Relationships

Good afternoon ladies and gents!

In developing and maintaining relationships, there are three components that, in my opinion, are vital to its durability: Respect, Honesty, & Conversation. What amazes me, in this current day and age, is the lack thereof in RHC (Respect, Honesty, & Conversation). RHC is applicable to not only to dating, but to all relationships, but for this piece we will focus on the dating aspect. What you are about to read are scenarios that address what both women and men face in real life. I believe that in order to have real results, you have to be real, no chaser so prepare your minds…feedback is strongly encouraged!

  • Scenario: A young man and woman meet for the first time. They begin their introductions, and continue the dance of familiarity. Each being very clear in regards to their needs and desires of a relationship, they begin dating. One stipulation that was made known by the young woman was that she chooses to live a life of celibacy, in which the young man, at that time, stated he understood and respected. After a month of what seemed to be successful dating, this young man approaches this young woman and asks her in the most ratchet of ways, ‘Ain’t it about time you gave me that p****?’ What…went..wrong?!?

So…what happened? If a woman presents herself in a way that suggests she is not interested in a physical relationship, why even construct the idea that it would be okay to formulate those words to fall out of anyone’s mouth? The respectful/honest thing to do would have been to not even entertain the relationship if the lifestyle of the young woman was not synonymous to the lifestyle of the young man. There would have had to been an initial conversation where the young man should have been honest about his intentions. Women love honesty, even if it’s ratchet. In regards to the previous scenario, had the young man been honest with his intent, although there would be no relationship, she could have respected him being upfront and they both could have moved around.

Let’s flip it. If the same couple entered into a physical relationship, and the woman decided to change her lifestyle that fit her spiritual relationship ending all physical intimacy, would this young man’s approach be warranted? I’ll let you all respond to that in our comment section.

  • Scenario: A man and woman have been dating for 9 months. Up to this point, they both seemed to have been honest about their feelings towards one another. Recently, the woman seems to have been very short in conversing with the man. Nothing else has changed in the relationship. The woman rushes off the phone when talking to her man, only calls every now and then, and barely responds to texts. When they are together, it seems that there is nothing wrong, but when they are a part they become distant. The man approaches the woman about the issue, and the woman comforts him, ensuring him that nothing has changed. They try to move on, but to the man it still seems a bit off. A week after the confrontation, all calls, texts, and other means of conversation cease. The man is left confused and frustrated wondering what he could have done wrong.

So…what happened? One thing that both men and women hate is being pulled around because some people have the issue of being honest about how they really feel to avoid hurting another’s feelings. Again, people respect honesty. Had she respected him and been honest about her fading feelings towards him, although a little hurt, he could move on without question of what went wrong. Another thing that people hate is being rostered. If you are in a serious relationship, in my opinion, there is no longer a roster. When you stop treating people like an option, and begin treating them like THE choice, you’ll have a more beneficial, long lasting relationship, trust me.

  • Scenario: A young man meets a young woman, and they are instantly physically attracted to each other. They begin conversing, getting to know each other which becomes a bit of a struggle. The conversation doesn’t hold interest for the young woman. Every time she tries to call him, he never answers, but quickly responds with a text message that says, ‘Hey bae, wassup?’ Every time. Their only means of communication when they are not together is via text. No phone conversation. The young woman is thrown off because she loves to talk and she feels that a person can never really know someone if you don’t actually talk to them. He feels that he can get his point across through messaging. He isn’t dating another person, this is just his means of communication. 

What should she do? In this scenario, I agree that you cannot know someone via text messaging. I enjoy conversation. Actually speaking with someone is how you can weigh chemistry with another person. In this case, it would be best to keep it moving if they can’t agree on a means of communication that is beneficial to both of them. There is also a level of respect involved to me. If you respect someone and are really interested in them, texting isn’t enough. You’d want to actually speak and see that person. I would question them being genuinely interested if they’re only texting me. There is no way that someone values you if they’re asking you out and breaking up with you via text! This digital age of social media has crippled genuine conversation. People are not as personable so it does create confusion, doubt, and misinterpretation when solely communicating through social media and texting.

In closing, if you want to maximize on your relationships, add some RHC. In my opinion, doing so saves a lot of time and avoids a lot of broken hearts, egos, and confusion.

What are your opinions/experiences? What are your standards for being in a relationship? We’d love to hear from you!


1 Comment

  • Willie November 11, 2014 - 3:41 pm Reply

    So to the last scenario with the calling vs texting. I agree and disagree. I believe both parties should come to a meeting in the middle. If someone calls you, its only proper to call them back if you can. However, some people just don’t like being on the phone, I’m personally honestly one of them. There is a very small list of people I can actually hold a phone convo with. I’ll text all day. Most of that is because I believe myself and some people like me have a hard time gathering their thoughts and ideas. Texting gives some time to gather those thoughts and articulate them fully and eloquently. Some people just don’t feel comfortable enough with a significant other to divulge all of their information. Which is why it may be easier for them to speak freely on the phone with friends rather than “bae”. Some people are wonderful writers and terrible public speakers. As far as the talkative young lady in the story goes, if the man texts on a daily basis and has given no indication that there is something inappropriate going on outside of their relationship, she should try to understand why he won’t call or talk on the phone before assuming he might not be interested. He may be willing to try and work at it just for her. She may have to suffer through some awkward conversations since he may not be very talkative. Maybe he’s been told to not call so much by others so he texts by default now. But communication of any form needs to happen here so they can have a meeting of the minds and come to an agreement where everyone is satisfied.

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