Black Women: Loving Yourself When the World Says You’re Not Good Enough

0 Posted by - September 24, 2014 - Feature, Mind Effects

I always wonder how people are led to this site.  Outside of social networking, at times people stumble upon the site by accident, or by searching for something in particular in Google.  Some of the terms are interesting, but still they are led here and I’m grateful for that.  It is my prayer that anyone who comes to visit us leaves with something that touches them.  The other day, I came a cross a particular search term that troubled me a bit.  It read “How do love yourself as a black woman when the world says you are no good?”  Wow.

As a black woman who observes the disparaging comments and images perpetuated about us daily, this hurt.  To be honest, at some point I’ve wondered “are we good enough?”  Leave it to some we are too dark, too light, too sexual, too fat, too many kids, too stupid, too ugly, too much weave, too nappy…………..We are told that we are the last on the totem pole in terms of desirability to our male counterparts.  In many circumstances we are seen as an enemy instead of an ally.  This isn’t to take away from our brothers and sisters who support us, but to deny the attacks we are subjected to subliminally or overtly would be obtuse.

I can only imagine what this sister was going through to drive her to a point where she needed to know “How do I love myself because no one else does.”  Tired of being overlooked, attacked, and discarded many of us feel like we are all we have.  Self validation isn’t a bad thing, but at times we as women do need support and reassurance.  We are constantly asking ourselves questions like the following:  “How can I love myself when everyone else hates me?  Is there something that I’m not seeing?  Is there something really wrong with me?  How can I stand tall with the whole world on my shoulders trying to bring me to my knees?”  It is easy to tell us to ignore it, especially if we aren’t “that” woman being criticized.  Sometimes however you just get tired.  Furthermore, if you have any heart of sisterhood it hurts to see even those considered to be the targets get attacked with no recourse.  This goes beyond dating preference or attraction.  I witness black women being attacked verbally and even physically in some form or fashion, sometimes on a daily basis.

I wanted to offer even a glimpse of encouragement, and provide insight as to why things may be the way they are.  Also, I wanted to provide ways we can try to combat the negative affirmations constantly thrown at us.  This may not be what you were expecting to read, but I’m going to share it anyway from my personal perspective.  I’m no expert, and I’m still learning myself, but ANYTHING is better than nothing at all, so here goes:


Why They Hate You:  

1.  Melanin – “Black is not a color, it is the essence which color comes from!”  In my past studies, I’ve taken the time to read a lot about melanin and its characteristics.  Melanin is a complex compound of Carbon, Hydrogen, Oxygen, and Nitrogen, Carbon making up most of that composition.  This is a very extensive subject, and I encourage all readers to explore it for themselves especially as it relates to melanin and carbon.  It is known as “God’s dust,” “The God particle,” or “Prima Materia” (1).  It protects people from the sun, has the ability to reproduce itself, it is everywhere in all life forms and even in the cosmos.  It slows aging, it absorbs all color which is why it presents itself as black, and can be considered as the chemical key to life itself.  “Melanin is the chemical key to life, and it is the nucleus or brain of all cells.  It is produced by the pineal gland, and it is activated by sunlight.” (2).  The more melanin you possess, the more of these characteristics you possess.  Melanin is more than color.  You appear as black because of the amount of melanin you possess.  It could be that they hate you because of melanin envy.  My makeup must be pretty awesome if I am feared so much.

2.  Survival – You are the channel in which black life, or all life is bought into this universal plane.  Without you, black lives cannot exist.  What better way to stop you from producing black life, than to make you undesirable to your male counterpart?  Sadly, many of them (the black male) have fallen for the bait and switch as a result of hundreds of years of breaking down and reconditioning.  Take away who we are, and make us think we aren’t worth anything.  They’ve even caused us to hate ourselves (Team Dark Skin vs. Light Skin).  Every time black men attack and criticize us, or we turn against each other vehemently, we feed into the plans to keep us divided. In terms of white supremacy, the true minority possesses a fear of dying out that has placed a death grip on their soul.  This article explains it best:  What’s Really Behind the War on (White) Women

3.  You are a woman; you are going to be attacked.  When the serpent wanted to cause mankind to fall, who did he attack and go after first?  Eve, the woman.  When an enemy wants to destroy a man, who does he usually go for first?  His woman.  Think it not a coincidence that you as a woman are hated so much.  It is much deeper than what you look like.


What You Can Do About It:

1.  Talk about it.  Don’t be silent.  Talk with other women and men about the issues to figure out what you can do to contribute to the uplifting of black women.

2.  Support each other.  All black women do not hate each other.  Find other supportive, forward thinking black women and form a sisterhood circle.  You are not alone in your thinking, and the more you surround yourself with positive vibes the better you feel about yourself.  If you see a sister in need, or engaging in destructive behavior, don’t talk about her school her.  Reach out.  Pray for her.  We have to use the mighty power we possess for the good of each other.

3.  Be the best you as possible.  Take care of yourself and make sure you are healthy, peaceful, and confident in you.  It starts with YOU.  When you are healthy and self-aware, it really doesn’t matter what others say about you.  Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.  (Psalms 139:14)

4.  Look at yourself and all the black women around you and realize how beautiful you are.  Black women are stunning.  We are some of the most beautiful creatures on the planet.  We age like fine wine (black don’t crack!)  We are multi-faceted and versatile; there is not just one look about us.  We are beautiful in all colors, shapes and sizes.  It doesn’t matter the hair texture or style, we simple make it work!  Be proud of who you are.  Hate is confused admiration.  Notice how every other race has to physically alter themselves to get what you have naturally.  That isn’t shade, but it is truth.  Look at all the imitators you have and seriously ask yourself, “if they hate me so much why are they trying to become me?”  Sista, you are BAD, walk in it!

5.  Study and read more to gain better understanding.  There is nothing wrong with being knowledgeable.  I don’t consider myself to be “conscious” or anything (I hate labels), I’m just well read in certain areas.  I feel like when you know what you are dealing with, you are less likely to take it as personal.  Yes you may still get tired, yes it may hurt, but at the end of the day you will be able to understand that there is nothing wrong with you.  Read about how many great things came from you, the black woman.  Think about the many talents you have to offer.  Think about the beautiful fragile heart you have, as well as the strength you have to persevere.  Find out more about who you are and where you’ve been, so you can see where you are going.


No matter what the world tells you, you are beautiful.  Resilient, strong, dedicated, and amazing are just a few words that describe you.  I know it hurts to always have to validate yourself, but God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle.  It’s always darkest before dawn, and I believe one day things will turn around in our favor.  The enemy doesn’t come for anyone without a great destiny ahead of them, or who isn’t a true threat.



1.  Alchemy Unveiled by Johannes Helmond

2.  Melanin:  What Makes Black People Black by Dr. Laila Afrika

3.  Who Am I?  By Kenya Wilson

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